Decisions

Today I got a call from the realtor with an offer from an investor for Mom's house.  It was a terrible low ball offer, 15000.00 less than I was asking.  I will counter offer cutting it 4000. and no closing, repair or any other kind of cost.  We'll see if they go for it.  I called my son to get his opinion.  I think he was flattered, I don't usually ask for opinions just tend to go my own way but I wanted someone to bounce my thoughts off of.  This could be a positive if they go for it.  I'm still sourcing on two jobs I applied to at Humana.  It's been almost a month so they are still looking at me.  They are very good about sending rejection emails.  So maybe some positive things will be in the future.

When?

I'm not sure I believe in karma.  If there is karma I'd really like to know what I've done so wrong and bad in my life that it keeps taking swipes of my soul.  If karma exists how come some people who do wrong and don't try to say their sorry and make amends never get blasted .  I've know a lot of good people who seem to live under the  same dark cloud I'm beginning to suspect is planted over my head never get a break.  I have so many people who tell me I've got it good and I'm lucky in the way I got out of a bad situation but don't have to live the pain and heartache that I still feel.  I don't want to go back to where I was, I realize it was a negative place and I wasn't treasured and loved the way I deserved.   I just wish I could understand when if ever it was a good relationship.  The only good thing out of that was the two wonderful individuals that came from the union.  So I have to wonder what I've done so wrong in life to have things happen.  I have not had a good year since 2006, one that nothing major bad thing has occurred.  Mom having cancer on her face, eye stroke 2007, cheated on and used in bad ways plus lost my job , marriage and home all in one instant.  2008.  In 2009 took the job that was offered (positive was I met some good people) not a good one but a job, found and bought a house (positive) but had to settled everything in a divorce-lost some things that held memories and things that I found would have been useful later (I can buy these things).  The divorce was an ugly creature,  the lack of respect really came through from him.  Costly for sure.  Things were starting to get on an even keel and then  Morgan and Mom are diagnosed with Altzehimers .  Mom had to live with me for over 80 days.  It's not easy having to be the parent to your parent-of course I was a host of different people while all this was happening.  I got her into a good nursing home-if any is good.  She has been angry and unhappy with me since I did this.  So I live with that every week.  I thought 2011 might be a good year and in Feb. I had to put my Morgan to sleep.  She was uncomfortable and in pain so it was necessary.  Since Feb. I've been fighting the dragon of depression.  It sneaks up and takes me to sad places and not good thoughts.  I fight these thought since I know my life isn't that bad.  Chemical imbalance is what I'm suspecting.  I feel like I've lost so much these last couple of years.  I keep getting the message change is good--I have a hard time believing so -most of my change has been forced and uncomfortable.  I try so hard.