Starting Over

I wish I could say I've started over and am living the life I'm suppose to live.  But not yet.  I went to someone -a Doctor/Healer tonight.  My friend has pretty much insisted that I go, she feels that I'm stuck in the past.  She is right in a lot of ways but we all heal in our own time.  That was one bit of wisdom he gave me tonight.  He also said it sounds like I have a bit of PTSD going on.  He said it sounded like I went through a lot of trauma with my divorce and all the things that happened before, during and after.  He has some classes that would help, he also feels that I could use some massage and yoga to help me work on the body pain I have going on.  He feels that you are a sum of mind, body and spirit and you must treat all parts in order to heal.  I have to say this sounds reasonable to me.  I know when I was getting regular massages and therapy I did feel better.  The big if is money,  I don't make enough to pay all my bills,  if I didn't have savings I don't know what I would do.  I try to live simply,  the biggest thing I do for me is use my tax refund to go to Mexico once a year,  not sure how much longer I can do this.  I have savings, do I use them to enjoy life now or save some for retirement--decisions decisions.  Things will ease a bit when my car is paid for-still 3 + years away.  My house is 14 years away.  I will pay my lawn tractor off in May 2014.  Those are my bills.  I pay my credit cards off monthly.  My big expense this year has been medical.  5000.00+ with medicines and surgery this year.  That is what has tightened up my budget.   At least I can see it.  Next year will be better, hopefully I will get a raise in Feb.  Just some random thoughts in my brain tonight.  Last night was a major night of not being able to sleep.  I went to bed at 11:15 and was awake until after 2- then woke up again around 3:20 and did that off and on until 6:50am when my alarm blared.  I am really tired but having a hard time giving up and going to bed.  Tomorrow I will celebrate with family and friends the occasion of my birth on the 20th of August.  It should be good.