Life Is?

Life is Hard.

Life is Challenging

Life is opportunity

Life is interesting

Life is ???

Trying to figure out what life is and is suppose to be.  I sure am not where I thought I would be at this stage of life.  The vision I had has nothing to do with the reality I'm facing.  I'm getting older ad getting fearful about being able to take care of myself.  Money is a big issue,  I have some put away but with costs going up and insurance being sky high to afford am I going to be be able to make it.  It is easier when there are two.  A partnership one helping another when they are down.  I'm going through the grocery the other night and thought I hate shopping for one.  I am beginning to hate cooking for one.  I'm losing the desire and ability to cook for myself.  Why go for a meal when a sandwich is easier?  Are we engineered to be part of a set or a couple?  Is that why I'm having such a hard time moving from the place I'm stuck?  I am paralyzed by fear.  I don't know what to do and it takes too much energy to try and do something to propel me on the path I want to be on.  I'm starting to understand my Mom just a bit after my Dad died.  It was easier to not participate in life then have to use all the energy you have getting through the day.  I'm not going to give up like she did, but I do have an small insight into why you would.    I don't feel well.  Not sure if it physical or mental or a little of both.  New medicine kicking my butt,  I didn't take it tonight,  I've got a job interview tomorrow and don't need to be ill and trying to get through that.  Not sure this is a good job--they have only been in business a year and that concerns me.  I've been thinking a lot about my inner child--my core or whatever it is called.  Why do I always think I'm wrong,  that I never get it right.  Is the voices that have filled my life- Mom --ex Husband.  Your not enough, your lazy, your wrong, your stupid, your fat, your hair is wrong, you spend too much money.  And so on and so on.  I try so hard to get it right but it just doesn't seem to be enough.  I love with all my heart and try to be a good person.  I work hard and keep up my end of the bargains.  So what have I done to end up alone and starting over at this age.  For some reason age is bothering me a lot lately.