When am I going to be able to let go of the past and move forward to the future. Looking for something on my computer I looked at some pictures. The ex and the girl were in some of them. There were pictures of us together --him and me, her and me. We were smiling and looked happy. How could there be such deceit going on and still look so normal. I keep getting stuck on the same things. From the outside as far as I know he is having a wonderful life--mine on the other hand isn't so good. It just isn't fair and I know life isn't fair but man it sucks. I look at all the positives and there are many. I have great kids, wonderful friends and at least I have a job. Money is tight but I'm managing. I got notice I may have to pay 1100.00 for some of Mom's medical expenses--didn't plan on that but it actually is ok, I have money in savings and that is what you use it for.
I think I'm ready for a new relationship but haven't got a clue on how to go about it. I think I have a real case of arrested development. I didn't have a lot of experience with dating and meeting guys before I met him so I don't have fall back experience. Any way things have changed totally since those days. Dating sites are not great. I'm thinking about some pay sites and may go that route.
I'm stressed about Mom and family. They family is fussing about her being in the nursing home. They keep talking and getting her riled up. This is making it hard on both of us. I'm trying to hard to do the right thing but I don't think I ever get it right. I'm working on that though. Reading books is helping but I still have such doubts about myself. How did I ever lose confidence in myself? Did I ever have it to start with? I don't know.
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