Reflections of Time

I realize after having a birthday that time is speeding by way to fast.  I don't feel my age and don't want to be grouped with the elders in my age group.  I want to have fun and enjoy my life,  it's about time I do.  I wish I had the wisdom I have gained about 20 years ago but I guess that is the reason we age through life so we can learn.

I tried to go to an Art Fair today, I was by myself.  They are not nearly as fun when you don't have someone to share.  But the positive is that I tried.  As I say I'm a pack animal and like to travel with my pack so to go somewhere life that alone was a test.

I think I'm going to take a self defense class.  My life coaches school is offering one, the first hour you learn things to help defend yourself and the second hour you get to whale on a padded man.  Sounds like a way to learn stuff.

BirthdaIys

I celebrated another birthday over the weekend.  I don't feel my age in a lot of ways.  Folks tell me I don't look my age, this is good.  My daughter, son in law, adopted sister and husband went out Friday night to help me celebrate.  My son texted me on Friday wishing me an early birthday and wanted to go out to lunch on Sat to help me celebrate.  Sat. night I was with some friends I've know for over 40 years and they too wished me happy birthday.  Then I went to a party after Derby Dinner with my group of geek friends.  We had 8 birthdays in our group so they have one party to celebrate all the August babies.  I got to see most of the people important in my life in two days.  My Mom actually called me Friday night and again on Sat. to wish me Happy Birthday.  She often forgot my birthday and my ex started calling her to remind her.  I will admit my feeling were hurt when she forgot my birthday, I'm an only child so it shouldn't have been so hard to remember.

My life coach posted on my facebook a nice quote to look at my past year and do some reflecting.  I had 44 people wish me happy birthday, it was amazing.  I felt the love over the weekend, with cards, phone calls and messages I felt special.

August 6th

Today is the 34th anniversary of when I married.  I won't say I'm sorry I did it,  I had some good times and got two great kids out of it.  I feel like today should be a day of mourning.  I guess I'm the only one that remembers. I wish grief would stay gone.  It's a bit ironic that it is the anniversary of the atomic bomb.  I guess it wasn't the best day to pick.

Went to a single great get together last night.  It was nice,  the two guys I talked with I don't have much in common with.This trying to meet guys is very tough.  You ask the same questions, the guys I talked with are very nice but not my choice.  I guess I'll keep trying.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

One Step forward

I was very pleased with myself the last week or so.  I felt more positive about life than I have in a while.  For some reason the bubble started popping last night.  No reason just started on the down side of mood.  Got through today pretty well but tonight have the feeling of impending disaster.  No basis just the mood.  I realize a big trigger day is looming but thought it would be ok.  Maybe it's not ok.  Grief has no expiration date.  It doesn't say it's been 3 years all gone.  I'll keep working the program, positive thoughts and try to move beyond the negative.  I'm tired,  that could be part of the reason.  The weather, lack of caffeine and not sleeping as much as I apparently need to is taking its toll.

I'm going out to meet a single group again on Friday night.  Then Sunday out with my family I choose friends.  Sat. is the 34th anniversary of when I married the heel.  I should celebrate that I'm no longer with him.  The more  people open up about him and tell me things I wonder how I stayed so in the dark about the real him.  He was a great actor around me.  Again, I need to forgive myself for being so blind about him.  I used a service man we had used and he had talked with the ex and said to me,  he's not very nice is he?  Two realtors  also found he wasn't the nicest of people.  Why didn't I see this?

The positives--I have a job so I can pay my bills and have a place to live.  I have a large wonderful puppy who loves me unconditionally as I love her.  I have so many wonderful groups of friends each with different view points and thoughts,  I'm challenged by them, they have stood by me in all my moods and issues.  I've got my Mom in a safe and good place for her.  Maybe not what either of us thought would happen but it's the best for her and me.  I have sight, hearing, smell, touch, my aches and pains are with me but I can live with them.  They are bearable.  So all in all my life is good.  It helps to put it all down and see how much good I have in my life.