Holidays Part 2

Sitting here tonight watching "Christmas Vacation" very funny movie and generally I laugh a lot but not tonight.  Not sure why my mood is on the edge and taking a turn into sadness. I'm trying so hard to fight this, I want this holiday to be better than the last 3.  I spoke with a old friend tonight,  she is a friend of my dad and mom.  But she calls and makes me feel better.  She has told me I'm strong and did the right thing to place my Mom in the nursing home.  I have to think that since she is a contempory of my Mom, both of them soon to turn 85and she has known me since I was born that she can real me a bit.  She told me I sounded sad in my Christmas card-- I thought I was upbeat.  She said I sounded much better tonight.  I am better, stronger but have lost some of the wonder of the season.  It's just different now, more of a chore in a lot of ways.  There are so many people who hurt during this season.  Relationships are hard to connect during this Hallmark holiday.  They make it look so easy, everyone happy and getting along,  but not in real life.  I'm on vacation and my boss calls, we talk 1  1/2 hours on how bad the place where I work is.  Things that others don't know,  the people I work with better sit up and take notice.  This are really bad on the money side and if it doesn't turn around I'm not sure any of us will have a job.  Just what I need to have to take the first job offered me when I start looking.  Wish I could find something I enjoyed doing.  Not enough joy in life if your job sucks,  I spend way too much time at the job to be unhappy,  the job I have now is getting to that point.