Things Ahead

I finally got insurance to pay for a procedure that I've been wanting for a while.  Some of the desire for this is to help my pain levels and some is that maybe it will help me accept myself better.  I'm both excited and scared at the same time.  I have had several major surgeries,  I know the fear and I know what to expect afterward.  There will be pain, discomfort and being extremely tired.  This will last for a little while.  I will have to rediscover my balance since this will be changed.  I hope it meets my expectations.  It will also give me freedom to start looking to start over in a new job.  I'm so down on energy from working in a extremely negative place.  I really think there needs to be a mix of males and females in a job.  I work with all females and some of the behavior would not happen if there was a man in the mix.  Some females just need a male around to stop some of their silly games and act right.  I'm sad that it seems to still be that way in the world.  It makes me sad that some females still act that way. So between the behaviors, low pay and the thought in my mind that the organization I work for is on a downhill slide--it's time to look for a new better paying position.  I was hanging around for several reasons and by mid May they should be completed.   But I have now got a small(really small) pension and insurance will pick up 80% of the costs with this surgery and I have sick days to use-so will get paid while I'm off it was worth hanging on to this job for a while longer.  I would love to find something different to do, but my skills are what they are and I don't think I would get paid enough if I started over in a different field.  It is hard when you are the one wage earner and still have most of the costs of a couple.  House doesn't care if one or two people live in it .  The costs are pretty much the same.  So I guess I'll stay in the field I'm in and hopefully make +10,000 more than I'm making now.  It all depends on how much neck I'm willing to stick out.