Holidays

I'm already at a really low point.  The holidays are approaching and I am already have lots of pain in my soul.  It is almost like it was two years ago.  I feel like I was replaced so easily.  I lost my spot in the world.  Wife, mother, part of a large happy family, future leader of the women of family.  Now I have core group of family that I have created,  they are so worth it but it still causes me so much pain when I read about my ex family getting together to plan Thanksgiving celebrations.  This was my job that  I so enjoyed.  It gave my holidays meaning.  I read on facebook that they are meeting at my ex's girlfriends (of over 2 years) house to plan the day.  For a man who didn't want the family roots that were so important to me, he got it all.  My Thanksgiving day consists of being with my demented mother.  Right now I'm not sure what I'm going to do with her.  Cousins usually invite us but haven't heard anything,  at least if I go there they keep her occupied and I don't have the total responsibility.   My kids most likely will be with the Robbins,  ouch it hurts but that is the tradition they know.  I still want to know what I did in the marriage to cause him to choose the way he treated me.  Was I not loving enough,  did I not pay enough attention to him,  was my distaste for his hobbies  the straw that broke all he told me about loving me forever.  I have a really hard time listening to love songs because they seem like such a crock.  How could the man who the Thursday told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever on Tuesday say he didn't want to be married anymore.   I just don't understand.  

I think I have a lot to offer the right guy,  I have so much love to offer.  I have a good heart.  Why am I so alone?

I think the health issues have caused some of this pain.  High blood pressure, cataracts and breast reduction revision have all happened in the last week.  I'm not sleeping well and got Lunesta,  my god how much medicine costs.  The new BP medicine and the Lunesta cost 120.00 with insurance for 30 pills of each, so 2.00 a pill.  With the other 4 prescriptions I have my medicine costs have taken a bite out of my budget.

Just another thing to stress about.