Parents

Pretty soon I will be an orphan.  One having neither of their parents living.  My Dd has been dead almost 40 years.  I don't remember much about him.  I didn't get to know him as an adult  Only as a child.  I wish I had been able to know him as a grownup.  We never got to have conversations about life or anything like that.  He never got to see me grow up, meet his grandchildren.  In posting a picture of us today I realize I really do have his eyes.  My Mom told me that but I never really saw it before today.

Pretty soon my Mom will be with my Dad.  Something she has wanted from many years.  She is failing.  Physically and mentally.  Way to many falls in the last months.  Her brain was getting addled before but this has hastened her decline.   I never have any idea of what we will discuss when I go to see her.

The nursing home called on Tuesday before she fell and wanted to discuss tube feeding and IV liquids.  They know this is not what we want but wanted to confirm with me.  As they said we are not there yet but it is progressing in that direction, unless something drastic changes.  This was before she fell and EMS had to be called to take her to ER.  Lucky this time it wasn't major, an abrasion that bled a lot and a little more confusion, I think.  The confusion is there anyway just think maybe a little worse.  She generally knows who I am but Tuesday night at the ER there were times when she was talking about me to me.  It is always in the back of my mind that they may call me any time.  I won't even drink to much wine because they may call.  Always on alert I guess.

I wish it had been different for her,  this is not the way for anyone to end up,  but I guess we don't get a choice how we exit this life.