Non Forgiveness

I'm working now on trying to forgive myself.  The decisions I made when I made them were the best I could do. This has become my mantra.  There are things I did to try to "save" the marriage.  I'm not proud of them and not sure why I did them., but I did.  So now I need to let go of beating up on myself for those and other decisions I've made.  My marriage was not that good but it was familiar.  I wish I had more courage and self respect when I had to deal with the issues that ended it.  Fear-I think that was the emotion that kept me tied to trying to make it work.  A good marriage is one where you don't spend all your energy on trying to make things work.  I also did things that are really against what I believe in, I won't do that again.  I have to look at myself every day and forgive myself for those things.  I don't plan on having any more added to that list.  I burned non forgiveness at the burning bowl ceremony I went to.  I must learn the forgive myself and others.  I must learn to love myself--this is harder than you think.  I don't think I've ever gotten things "right".  I've never felt good enough, my parents never thought I did things good enough.  I've never felt intelligent or clever.  For all the progress I've made I still have steps to climb.  Good thing life is a learning process and your never done.