So Tired

I am so tired of having to deal with stuff.  I understand this stuff is small but it seems to leap out of no where and aggravate the crap out of me.  My sister in law called tonight--she checks on the house I have for sale.  It has rained way to much and the basement is musky,  so I'm going to pay her $75.00 to clean it up and get it smelling better.  For some reason I really don't want to go back to the house I grew up in.  It probably has a lot to do with all the stuff that has happened the last couple of years.  She also found a letter in the box,  it's a bill from a collection agency for the garage service I stopped last November.  So I have spent way too long looking for my notes of when I called them.  I remember doing it because we discussed where they needed to pick up their can, it was in the back part of the driveway.  So tomorrow I have to deal with that.  The funny thing is the bill is in my Dad's name.  He has been dead since 1973,  they would have a hard time collecting.  I went through the same thing with the water company, again it was in his name.  I kind of put it to them they had to send the bill to me if they wanted to be paid, surprise they agreed.

My soul feels so unsettled.  I think I know one of my greatest fears,  did an exercise with a women's group I went to.  I don't know how so resolve this fear.  I guess time will either let it happen or I'll find what I need to be happy.

Parents die, become ill, dogs go to their happy reward, marriages end, jobs disappear, homes dissolve and become houses, jobs change and become unbearable, houses remain unsold, health issues arise.  These are the hard things.  I'm looking for joy, happy times, love, good friends, enjoying my job, good health and peace.   I think I must be asking for way too much-I see other people with it and don't understand why I can't have it.