Strength

I have come to accept that I am a strong person.  Lesser women would not have coped as well (I didn't think and still don't think I'm doing that well) but I have had several people comment on my strength.    It doesn't seem to help when my emotions get the best of me or when I'm very tired.  That said, I'm reflecting on the past 3 years and a few further back.  Since July of 2008 I have learned how to cope in an insufferable situation, seen a home become just a house, lost my job, ended the only relationship I've ever had with a man and deal with being lied too, cheated on, betrayed and made a fool of.  I've bought the only house I've been totally responsible for, got a new job, lived alone for the first time ever and managed to get by.  I've had the strength do deal with a dog with Alzheimers, a mother with dementia/Altzeimers, find the only possible solution-nursing home and get her on Medicaid.  I've had to let go of some wonderful people who were my family for over 30 years,  you can't keep the same family when the divorce is ugly, he is blood, I'm not.  This has been a difficult step and still working on it.  I've said goodbye to my puppy when it came time to do the right thing.  I've done house repairs, figured out what was wrong when things happened and fixed them.  I've learned to ask for help when I can't do something(this has been hard since the lessons I learned when young was don't ask for help)

I've done an awful lot of soul searching and looked in places in my soul that aren't pretty.  I've come to the conclusion that I'm a good soul most of the time.  I'm a good friend and love with my whole heart when I do.  I'm thoughtful, and care for people and try to solve things for them.  This causes a level of frustration when I can't fix things.   My heart hurts when my friends hurt..  This year I lost a friend fairly close to my age rapidly and not expecting it.  He was a good man and his wife my friend for over 30 years is hurting so bad and I can't do anything but hope for her.  

I've healed a lot and still have further to go.  I wish it was easy and didn't have backsliding.

So all in all I've done well.