Stupidity

I'm feeling rather stupid,  not sure why.  I'm still grieving over the end of the dreams I had so long.  The dreams were good but the reality sucked.  I don't want the ex back in my life.  It is a much calmer and mentally sane life than I had.  But---I never wanted to be single.  Single is hard for me since part of the dream was to be with someone forever.  Forever doesn't last as long as it used to.  It got near the end of the marriage that it wasn't working as hard as I tried to make it work.  I want to find a partner in this life.  I'm not good alone.  If there were lessons to be learned about being alone and resourceful I think I've got it.  I can handle situations and take care of myself.  I can be alone and be content.  I just miss having someone in my life to be there and make me more whole.  If I have to never be in another relationship I will survive,  not as well as I would if there was a someone who could love, cherish, respect and share some of my interests.  I'm having a hard time being around couples who appear happy.  I'm glad for them but it hurts.

Am I stupid to think there is another relationship out there for me?  I don't have a clue where to look and I don't know how to flirt.  I haven't done it for a long time and it is different than when I did.    I wish the ex hadn't changed to be someone I don't know and don't like.  He wasn't a good person and it took me a long time to accept this.  I looked past the flaws to love him.  I've broadened my horizons since this all happened.  I'm not sure why I can't let go.  The makes me wonder if I will ever be happy again.