Sunday's

Sundays are almost always tough days.  I had a wonderful Sat. with the person I've chosen to be my sister.  It is hard when you are an only child.  As you get older the family you had disappears or at least in my case.  I lost my Dad 38 years ago, various aunts and uncles had passed away,  cousins I had a relationship with have faded as the developed their own families.  I had married into a big extended family and always enjoyed it, but that too is fading, too hard to be comfortable with each other.  A sister but not since there are other women he brings around.  I have my kids for the biological family but have crafted a core group of friends who are the family I choose.  We even celebrate Christmas as the family you choose.  This will be the third year we have a breakfast supper on Christmas evening.  I also have a Thanksgiving on the Sat. before the actual holiday so the core group usually has time to gather as a crafted family.  This means a lot to me,  family is so critical to me.  I feel lost if I don't have it.  I guess I could never have been a loner.

So enough about the wonderful Sat.  Sunday, go to church and pick up pieces of thoughts that I have to digest and think about.  Some of it I keep and some of it I leave.  The dogma that Unity has lets you pick what resonates with you and discard the rest.  Then I go to see Mom,  I get there and look in the dining room then go to her room and she isn't there.  The nurse tells me that someone checked her out and took her to Comfy Cow.  I probe a bit and find out one of her sisters took her out.  I went to Comfy Cow and couldn't find them.  So I left the clothes, new sweater and fresh tomatoes on her bed and went to run the errands I needed to get done.  Sprint went well even if it took a while.  They were able to switch old phones stuff to the new phone.  Then gas and came home.  After vegging awhile I decide it was cool enough to cut grass, that is done for another week.  But as the hours tick by to bedtime it depresses me to think work starts in less than 12 hours.  I think I'm suppose to stay at this job a while longer.  I've been looking for a couple of months and nothing is happening.  Maybe I'm not done with whatever I'm suppose to take from this experience.

I wish I could find more joy in life, most the time it seems to be just existing.