I can hope that 2014 is kinder to me than the last 5 years have been. I don't know what other major events I can have in this year but am not going to tempt fate. 2013--it was quite a year, new job-lots more stress but a bit more stability which is why I changed. I miss the easier pace of PW but there have been major changes there in the last year. Eye surgery-had cataract surgery on both eyes took a while for them to settle down more than 4 months--I still have some flickering-when I'm tired or have overused them. I don't know if that will go away but at least things are clearer now. Got a little older this year, closer to 60 which sounds horrible but better than not having birthdays. My Mom had a trauma filled year. More falls than I can remember. She got a concussion, brain bleed and heomatoma all in one fall. Several days in the hospital. Another ER visit with another fall but that one was minor. She lost more of her mind everyday and physically got frailer and frailer. Quit eating, it was hard for me to deal with but I put one foot in front of the other and got through it. She passed away on Oct. 7th, I wasn't there she went to sleep and didn't wake up. At least that is what they told me. It said cardiac arrest on the death certificate so not sure if that is just what they figured or if they dealt with it and just spared me the details. Other than a skunk incident the night she died it was a calm funeral and a good send off. I've had to finish up paperwork and am waiting on Medicaid to let me know if they want the small amount of money she had at death. They want 183,000 I'm not sure how they think she could have so much since Medicaid tells you that you can't have anymore than 2000.00 in assets. She had a IRA that they didn't take at the time so not sure if they are going to get that in the end. I had some good times with my family and friends. Thanksgiving was good-my son stopped by but had made plans for that day so that was a little bit of a bummer but I did get to see him. Christmas was good and a bit quite. New Years Eve was with friends and I saw Erin and Chris so it was good. The only thing lying on the horizon is a possible health issue. I'm hoping to go back for a recheck in Mar and have it all cleared up so nothing else needs to be done. Nothing like going in for an annual checkup and being told your tongue is asymetrical and it isn't hard as if it were a tumor, so wait 3 months and we will recheck. If it is still like this we will have to do a biopsy. Not anything I wanted to hear.
I do have going to Mexico in Feb 2014 with my favorite people so something to look forward too. I can't wait but don't want it to hurry since it gives me something to look forward to. As for dating still not making any progress. Wondering if deep down I have too much fear. My marriage and divorce took a toll on me in a lot of ways. I lost what self confidence I had, I know he kept saying it wasn't me it was him but why wasn't I enough. I thought I was a good, kind and loving person. I put up with a lot of stuff from him over the years and stayed with him good and bad. I lost a lot of my self definition, wife, co owner of a company, mom. My kids grew up and didn't need me as much. My husband didn't need me any longer, I wasn't needed in the company I helped to build. I became divorced which some people just couldn't deal with. I lost the home I had helped build, it was our dream for so many years. He got to live in it longer but did end up selling it. That was a small comfort. He still has the company and apparently a nice girlfriend. Erin said I would really like her. I asked why she was with her Dad and she said he has changed for the better. I don't know why that hurts but it does. He can change for someone else but couldn't for me and discarded me like yesterdays trash. I know she gets really aggravated with me for not going out and aggressively dating. The only thought I can have is your young, married and haven't dated in 10+ years. You don't know what it is like being in your 50's, out of the dating pool for over 30 years and have a hard time thinking anyone would like you. It hurts my feelings a little but I know she just wants me to get back out there. I didn't date much before I met her dad so have very little experience in that arena.
So goals for 14, learn new stuff. Maybe get brave and join a dating website--it is just so creepy out there. Decide if the job will do or look again. Work toward positioning myself toward retirement. Love Guinness a lot and take care of myself.
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