Down

I've been down in the dumps for a while.  I'm trying to pull out but have a really hard time doing so.  I haven't gone through this surgery to make a nice looking corpse.  I wish I knew what to do, I wish I had a plan for life.  I didn't have a good marriage and I don't know why I mourn it still.  I cried when I was married and I'm crying now, so is now any different from then?    I don't have to deal with a moody and unfaithful husband so this crying I'm doing know should be better.  I cry from frustration, being lonely and fear.   I'm afraid I won't be able to take care of myself in the future.  I don't want to be a burden on anyone, I want to find joy and fun in my future.  I worry about money, being able to retire (probably never) and aging.

I've got good friends and a good home and a wonderful puppy dog, so all in all my life is good.  I just keep repeating it.